i've somehow been able to really control my picking this week by using a notebook to record how much i pick. i only pick one or two spots a day, which is a VAST improvement. i can now wear tank tops!! the scars are still visible, but if i go on in this way, they'll fade with time.
stressed
Another night of weakness.
Is it weakness?
Hmm, yes, I'm going to call it weakness. I think part of being a strong person is admitting that you have weaknesses and trying your best to address them. And I do think that I am a strong person, as afraid as I am.
I picked at my face terribly. It was already screwed up from the night before, and this morning.
I picked at my back and my shoulders and my arms and the razor bumps on my bikini line.
My face stings, and the stinging feels good. It also feels dirty, and I wonder if I will ever feel clean again, and if I will ever be comfortable showing my body to other people.
I wrinkle my forehead when I pick at my face, and maybe even other parts of my body. I have two lines from the wrinkling that might not go away. Yes, a 19 year old with wrinkles. Another thing to add to the battle zone that is my skin.
I ate pretty unhealthy again today.
And no, I didn't exercise.
I almost feel too weak to exercise lately. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep is so beautiful. Sleep feels clean, and when I wake up, I'm always happy because it's a fresh start. I go to bed feeling lost and small, like the day conquered me.
I am wasting precious time destroying myself.
This needs to end.
Just because it hasn't worked before doesn't mean I will stop trying.
I'm going to go ahead and resolve to stop picking at myself tomorrow.
We'll see how it goes.
Is it weakness?
Hmm, yes, I'm going to call it weakness. I think part of being a strong person is admitting that you have weaknesses and trying your best to address them. And I do think that I am a strong person, as afraid as I am.
I picked at my face terribly. It was already screwed up from the night before, and this morning.
I picked at my back and my shoulders and my arms and the razor bumps on my bikini line.
My face stings, and the stinging feels good. It also feels dirty, and I wonder if I will ever feel clean again, and if I will ever be comfortable showing my body to other people.
I wrinkle my forehead when I pick at my face, and maybe even other parts of my body. I have two lines from the wrinkling that might not go away. Yes, a 19 year old with wrinkles. Another thing to add to the battle zone that is my skin.
I ate pretty unhealthy again today.
And no, I didn't exercise.
I almost feel too weak to exercise lately. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep is so beautiful. Sleep feels clean, and when I wake up, I'm always happy because it's a fresh start. I go to bed feeling lost and small, like the day conquered me.
I am wasting precious time destroying myself.
This needs to end.
Just because it hasn't worked before doesn't mean I will stop trying.
I'm going to go ahead and resolve to stop picking at myself tomorrow.
We'll see how it goes.
I am Abby.