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naked in the rain
Created on 2006-03-27 07:55:08 (#9888747), last updated 2006-05-24
3 comments received, 3 comments posted
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3 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 1 Userpic
Basic Info| Name: | moon_jellyfish |
|---|
BioThis journal is to help me express my thoughts while I get better. I've had a bit of a breakdown recently. I smoked a lot of pot, which isn't bad with some people, but I have shitty brain chemistry and my panic attacks which I thought were GONE came back. I also realized that I have some issues that are not caused by the pot. I pick at my skin severely, and have hundreds (yes, literally) of scars to show for it. I wake up with blood on my sheets and scabs on my skin, and it stings to take a shower. I over-eat (although I'm not overweight) and bite my lips until I taste blood. I sleep too much and too irregularly. I spend hours on the computer and get very little exercise. I obssess over men who could care less about me, and I obssess over myself.
But some people would never guess. I'd have to say that I'm a pretty happy person a lot of the time, and it's not even an act. Still, I know I'm not healthy. I was going to go to Greece this summer through UC Davis' Summer Abroad program, but I realized tonight after much deilberation that I need a lot of time to get better, and the idea of going to Greece for a month with people I don't know is frightening to me.
I'm hoping my panic attacks and anxiety will dissipate so that I can travel and be as adventurous as I feel.
I'm hoping I can get exercise and stop fucking up my skin and eat healthy and all that jazz.
___________________*____________________
I'm an artist and a human. Love is everything to me, and everything in turn is love. Well, a lot of things are love. I fucking hate cilantro and mosquitos, but even when I look at a cilantro leaf, I can appreciate its shape, and mosquitos do look quite graceful, I have to admit. Also, isn't there something intriguing about a creature that lives off the blood of others?
I've been called kind, morbid, innocent, slutty, funny, ditzy, dumb, a genius, a bitch, a baby, a babe, beautiful, skinny, flabby, hairy, silly, opinionated, loving, stubborn, annoying, an ass, creative, weird, smelly. I guess I have considered myself to be all these things at one time or another, but I no longer believe in slutiness. The ridiculous double standards of this world do not control my sexuality--I do.
I think that above all, people should be fair and kind. Once you've mastered that, try to be interesting.
But some people would never guess. I'd have to say that I'm a pretty happy person a lot of the time, and it's not even an act. Still, I know I'm not healthy. I was going to go to Greece this summer through UC Davis' Summer Abroad program, but I realized tonight after much deilberation that I need a lot of time to get better, and the idea of going to Greece for a month with people I don't know is frightening to me.
I'm hoping my panic attacks and anxiety will dissipate so that I can travel and be as adventurous as I feel.
I'm hoping I can get exercise and stop fucking up my skin and eat healthy and all that jazz.
___________________*____________________
I'm an artist and a human. Love is everything to me, and everything in turn is love. Well, a lot of things are love. I fucking hate cilantro and mosquitos, but even when I look at a cilantro leaf, I can appreciate its shape, and mosquitos do look quite graceful, I have to admit. Also, isn't there something intriguing about a creature that lives off the blood of others?
I've been called kind, morbid, innocent, slutty, funny, ditzy, dumb, a genius, a bitch, a baby, a babe, beautiful, skinny, flabby, hairy, silly, opinionated, loving, stubborn, annoying, an ass, creative, weird, smelly. I guess I have considered myself to be all these things at one time or another, but I no longer believe in slutiness. The ridiculous double standards of this world do not control my sexuality--I do.
I think that above all, people should be fair and kind. Once you've mastered that, try to be interesting.
ConnectInterests (65):
alkaline trio, ani difranco, atypical adventures, badly drawn boy, being barefoot, being naked, bikes, bluegrass, breaking rules, burping, cats, classic b.o., concerts/shows, coyotes, crosby stills and nash, death cab for cutie, dirt, dreaming, fairies, farting, feet, fight club, fiona apple, girl interrupted, greek food, hair, hands, harold and maude, hookah, howling at the moon, italo calvino, john steinbeck, lightning storms, love, marc chagall, men, mermaids, monkey bone, neutral milk hotel, oil painting, patchouli, peace, pearl tea, picasso, rain, reading, red bell peppers, reptiles, rooftops, sand, saturn, sex, singing, sketching, sleeping, stars, swings, the beatles, the cure, the moon, the ocean, trees, volunteering, women, writing
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